E19 The Cats Might Have Claws, But Have They Drank The Milk?

911, what’s the nature of your emergency? 

Welcome back to another episode of tactical living by Leo Warriors. I’m your host Ashlie Walton. And today’s episode we’re going to talk about how the cats might have claws, but have they drink the milk. So just sit back relax and enjoy the content. Now I’m sure that many of you might be a part of Facebook groups. I know that when my husband and I started our company we became members of several Facebook groups really as a means of connecting, networking and to monitor and gauge what the conversation was. It’s something we continue to do and it’s something we think is very evolutionary. It’s something that is important for us to be able to understand because we want to know where the pain points sit as it pertains to first responders and their spouses.

Today I was kind of prepping some of my content. I use an app called hoop sweet. And in that app, you have the ability to preschedule your posts. This saves a significant amount of time for me because I’m able to just do it all in one shot. It takes me a couple of hours and then I don’t even have to worry about it for the rest of the week. Everything else for the rest of the week is really about just connecting and building relationships with people that like our page or that we’re friends with. And as I’m scrolling through some content on a police wives’ group that I’m a part of on Facebook, I see that there’s this wife who posted for her very first time. When you post in a group it tells you when you’re very first post was when you’re in that group and this wife had posed a question. She announced that it was the very first time she was posting in the group. She was explaining that she’s married to a police officer and then she goes into detail about how her husband’s been working on a book and his book is derived around a lot of content that some first responders face. She did not say that all first responders face these problems. But she laid out an outline talking about issues such as substance abuse, pornography, being unfaithful. And she reached out to the group with the intent of just asking the question of what are some of the things that your police officer, your spouse has faced or struggled with or maybe some things that you can ask him about that he’s aware of, that he can share with you, that you can share with me so that I can build this content with my husband and we can further explore it. Immediately she received so many comments in this thread that literally made me sick to my stomach to read. 

 

It was like watching a cat fight with all these cats showing their claws and I would bet that not a single one of them have ever written a book before. Now of course that does not mean that in any way do I believe that any police wife who’s affiliated with these groups acts that way. I’m affiliated with these groups and I know that I do not act this way. And there was a handful of people that responded with really great suggestions and a majority of the people that did respond actually did so in a way to where they had their defenses up for some reason and it blew my mind. Because this wasn’t just one catty comment.  Each of the women that were commenting on this post felt it necessary to just dig and dig into why they felt that this was a horrible topic. Some shared what a bad idea what it was because it’s been done several times before. Others shared how negative this topic was to begin with. Another woman went so far as to tell this poor wife that it was a shame that this was the first post that she decided to post in the group. And the reason this blows my mind is because the further and further that I get engaged with the police wife community, I really see two sides of it. I see the women that have this defense mechanism up and that really seem like they don’t have any kind of character to build on their own.

And I see the other side where there’s a lot of women who are more than willing to be open minded to share support and guidance and experience wherever they can and who are just there to pose a positive presence. And sure this isn’t a positive topic to talk about. Does it exist? Absolutely. Do we hope that this topic exists in fewer rather than the majority of people that are in first responder relationships, particularly police officers? Of course we do. But the reality is that we all know somebody or maybe you yourself are somebody who has struggled with some of these problems in the past if not right now I felt compelled to reach out to her directly. I felt compelled to do this because I know what it’s like to be the one who’s swimming against the waves, going into a group like that is not comfortable to begin with. However when you enter into it you do it with the intention of having positive support of having a place to turn to and chances are the next time that this wife feels the need to vent or she’s struggling with something, she’s probably not going to feel comfortable posting in that group to ask for guidance. So I reached out to her just explaining how apologetic I was for the backlash that she received in the group. And I also shared with her that I know what her and her husband are doing and that I see her. I went on to tell her that anybody who’s trying to do something the correct way when putting together any new product is going to do so by diving into marketing research. You do that by posing these questions. I believe she’s doing it exactly the way you’re supposed to. There’s one thing to have self-experience but there’s another thing when you’re diving into a diverse group of likeminded people who share in the same kind of lifestyle such as being a first responder and living in the home of a first responder where the dichotomy of things are unique and the uniqueness is something that ranges incredibly. And by reaching out and asking these questions undoubtably she was seeking some of those stories. She was seeking some of the dramatic struggles that first responders bring home and it just got me thinking about how the cats might have claws, but have they drink the milk? And yeah that might sound a little catty by me saying it myself. But the truth is I wonder how many of those women have written a book themselves? How many of those women have put together something brand new and that’s not to discredit it, but it’s just to point out the facts.

 

If someone were to ask me today, “Ashley what is the biggest advice and takeaway from your entire life?” I would sum it up into very simply not to take advice from somebody who’s never done it before. I could say that a million times over and I can say that because of my poor judgment in taking advice from people that have not done it before based on their merit in other areas and then me falling short in the long run. It’s a process.

 

As you sit there I’m sure you can think of many times when you’ve taken the advice of somebody only to regret it later on and in retrospect if you think about whether or not that individual had any kind of experience in what it was that they were mentoring you on what it was that you’re supposed to do, you probably wouldn’t have made the decision to take them up on their advice in the first place. It’s a process. We live and we learn and by reaching out to her it’s my hope that if not with a group she’ll still feel comfortable to reach out to at least me if she’s in need. Somebody who can relate. Somebody who understands what it’s like to be the spouse of a first responder and my hope is that what you’ll get from this message today is to just analyze your own life and analyze the questions that you’re putting forth into the universe. Who are you directing those questions to and most importantly what kind of advice are you giving to people? And where does that advice stem from? If ever there is a way to provide somebody with advice, but then back it up by the logical reasoning as to how you learn that or experience that in the first place, that’s what true advice giving is. Otherwise we’re just making up a fallacy a story about why we think somebody should or should not do something and giving them our own two cents. And what does that worth? When we do that, we’re able to cut out all the bullshit. We’re able to be comfortable and confident enough in ourselves to be able to tell somebody I don’t know that answer and even go a step further and tell them that you’ll help them to discover and uncover what that answer is and when you’re able to do that and you give yourself the allowance to know what your limitations are you’re really able to enjoy your tactical living.

 

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